I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
