In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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