what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
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It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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