fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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