he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
