This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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