sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
