please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't deserve a penis
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
