You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
