I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
