Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
