fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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