I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
