So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
