Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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