PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
