I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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