well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
