Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
