i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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