I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
