i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
