Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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