You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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