Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Your cock deserves a montage
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
