So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
