I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
