I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
