We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
