My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
