Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
