Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
