it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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