I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
