Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
