but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
