she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
