Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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