We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
