im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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