It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We left an ass print on the piano.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
