sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
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