just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
