hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
your room smells of hookers.
And success
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
