Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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