I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
