the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
