Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
