so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
