Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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