Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
