Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
