I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
