Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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