is your mom at the bar?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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