the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
