He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
