my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
