You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
