My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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