I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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