My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
