i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You don't make any sense
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