It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
