Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
COCAINE IS GR8
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
