I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
