It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
