I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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