Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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